Today's Realizations

Having the sabbath as a day of rest really is a blessing.

Everyone's life sucks in some way. And yet, there is something good to each life as well.

Tons of  people are going through stuff that I don't even know about. So, just a note to self, STOP WHINING.

I really want to be a hippy.

I seriously want to make acting my career. Not just a lofty idea, dream, or aspiration for fame.

It's a good thing fast food isn't my chosen career field.

Sometimes the world we are convinced of being reality whether it be a world of depression, grief, or exasperation is not the world as it is. Soon things will change and we will look back and say "wow, that was bad." Even though right now, it is bad.

Even when you are having your worst day ever, somewhere a baby is being born :)

There are several things about society that are seriously wrong ( in a disturbing way, not necessarily incorrect way).

I don't want to get fat. or old.

I may be subconsciously sabotaging myself.

I still don't really know who I am.

Music is...more than words can convey. And that's what makes it so beautiful.

Let the Sunshine In

Fast forward to 2:40...gives me chills every time.



I was so meant to be a hippy.

Let it Be

This song came to me in church today. Inspiration? Most definitely.

"And when the night is cloudy,

there is still a light that shines on me.

Shine on 'til tomorrow, let it be"

"There will be an answer.

Let it be."

"Whisper words of wisdom.

Let it be"

Thank you Beatles. No one could have said it better.

Speak the Speech I Pray You

I have been told several times in acting classes to "let the text drive you" or something to that affect.

Do not fight so hard to make what you are saying mean something. The playwright has spent countless hours putting together this script. If he/she is a good playwright, the words will have their own rhythm and the script will be filled with actions and objectives. It is the job of the actor to find this ebbing and flowing of the language, find the actions and objectives, and then forget them. Forget the homework, don't show your teacher how good you are at using actions and just ride. Let your existence as the character float like a canoe on the currents of the text, pushing you towards your objective. Do not try so hard to manipulate the words. Allow the text to do the what it is meant to do. The text will make it easier to exist in the scene, to breath and feel, to achieve your objective.

That's what good acting is. And so much more. Of course.

But I had a realization today. This applies just as much, if not more so, to musical theatre acting. (I use that term liberally for, in reality, there is no difference between musical theatre acting and straight acting. They are all founded in the same things.) In musical theatre there is an added element to aide in the storytelling: the music. I realized today (and I can't believe I never thought of it before!) that when doing a song I should let myself ride the current that the music takes me on. Just as the text is a vehicle for straight acting so is the music for musical theatre. It is an added tool that the actor is given and should make acting easier.

I made this realization today when I was singing a song and let myself ride on the music and the text. The affect was definite. By allowing myself to ease into the song and use what the brilliant composers and lyricist had given me I was able to achieve more than I would have otherwise. I didn't need to push and try and show how hard I was working to act. Tension is not necessary. It is detrimental. Acting should be easy. Like breathing. Just. Existing.

Remember Me

No. This is not a suicide note or a cheesy greeting card.

I recently saw Remember Me starring Robert Pattinson. Whoah. Stop. Stop right there. Now hold on just a second, and try your best not to jump to conclusions. Yes it is the same guy who plays Edward in Twilight. No he doesn't glitter in this movie. And yes, he does an amazing job acting in this film.

My opinions on Robert Pattinson were a bit biased going into this show. I personally do not care for some of the choices he makes in Twilight--whether that is due to script or direction or his own personal choices, I don't know--so I was not sure if I would enjoy this film.

I was pleasantly surprised.

This film is beautiful. There are mixed reviews on it, and as with all reviews the critics seem to want perfection before they'll call it a great movie. It may not be legendary, but I feel it is a great movie. Mostly, I fell in love with the acting. Everything they were doing screamed what my acting teachers are constantly preaching. It was nice to see the tools I am being taught in action. There was a beautiful level of communication between Pattinson and his co-star Emilie de Ravin. There was life and breath in their acting. There was honesty and a sense of fighting for something. Action and objective. Life or death.

My words can't really capture the simplistic beauty of this film. Maybe it isn't the best movie ever. But for what it is, it is the best it could be and I now have high hopes for what Robert Pattinson will achieve.

Ya. I know. I just posted about Robert Pattinson. I'm lame. Sue me.

The chocolate agrees

"Live every day up to your expectations, not others."

-Dove chocolate wrapper

I'm through accepting limits

Ya. I know. It is super cheesy to put a line from a song from Wicked as the title of my post. Deal.

I realized that I have been limiting myself. I hold myself to other people's limitations of who I am. I become dependent on their opinions. I have been blessed with very supportive friends, but I have realized that I cannot rely upon their faith in me to sustain me. I need to know for myself what I can accomplish.

There have been many times when I have needed my friends, peers, and superiors to encourage me and approve of what I do. Who I am. For some reason I believed that if they said I could do it then I could. If they told me I was capable of something then I was. If they said I wasn't, then I wasn't.

I don't need that anymore. I can't need that if I am going to be successful. I know what I can accomplish and that is what matters. I have something unique and original to offer. I have the complete package. Someone else believing--or not believing--that I can make it is not going to change the reality of what I can do.

The profession (this crazy thing we call theatre) I have chosen is full of ups and downs. It is a complete contradiction with its necessity for confidence and its constantly critical circumstances. At times, I feel as if I am stuck on a roller-coaster of self-image. One day I can accomplish anything and the next I might as well give up.

I'm done. I'm done trying to make people see that I have potential. I am done trying to get people to believe in me. I am done trying to figure out if people approve of me. Done.

From now on my focus will be on my belief in myself. I must have my own independent, strong foundation. I will show love for myself by giving myself the time I deserve, that I am worthy of. Just because I may not be as talented as someone else right now does not mean I do not deserve to give myself the time to work on improving. I will do all that I can to take care of myself, to improve my talents, to work hard.

When I don't take care of my body or my mental health, I do not love myself. When I do not use my time wisely I am disrespecting myself and the time God has given me. The thoughts and energies I send out into the world will come back to me. If I tell myself that I am limited, then that will be the truth. I am only as great as my smallest doubts. I will not limit myself by sending out negative energy and giving myself negative reinforcement. I will believe in myself and the talents I possess.

This is my resolution to be the best me I can be. To live life. To be confident. To grow.

To love

me.

Full

I'm feeling a bit empty. Not sure why.

Not sure why I'm posting this. maybe if i send my emptiness into cyberspace it will disappear. for some reason we believe that other people knowing our problem will fix it. thats silly. thats stupid.

but i guess i am. so i think

maybe if i am better the empty will go away.

maybe if i think less the empty will go away.

maybe if i eat less the empty will go away.

maybe if i get approval the empty will go away.

maybe if i am busy the empty will go away.

maybe if i am talented the empty will go away.

how can empty be so full? so overpowering?

there's so much of nothing that i can't find room for

something.

Disclaimer

I would just like to say that from my post final, relatively sane standpoint that I am aware of how crazy that last post was. I am not even sure what that was about. Honestly don't remember writing it actually.

That was my brain on no sleep and little to no sanity. Forgive me.

Alice in Wonderland

We're painting the leaves silver! We're painting the leaves silver!

Yes....I am awake. Doing many tasks. I should do them. Not be BLOGGING.

but my

brain is fried. so i will take this moment to share.

I was painting live leaves. and now i'm writing what my professor wants to hear.

I spent time with the obvious statistics of this state. demographics, i mean. not statistics.
this probably doesn't make sense. that is why my essay isn't working, because this is how my brain is functioning

OR NOT

the magnets on my fridge dance a bit when i look at them. does that mean its time to sleep? nah......


OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!!