Ya. I know. It is super cheesy to put a line from a song from Wicked as the title of my post. Deal.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I realized that I have been limiting myself. I hold myself to other people's limitations of who I am. I become dependent on their opinions. I have been blessed with very supportive friends, but I have realized that I cannot rely upon their faith in me to sustain me. I need to know for myself what I can accomplish.
There have been many times when I have needed my friends, peers, and superiors to encourage me and approve of what I do. Who I am. For some reason I believed that if they said I could do it then I could. If they told me I was capable of something then I was. If they said I wasn't, then I wasn't.
I don't need that anymore. I can't need that if I am going to be successful. I know what I can accomplish and that is what matters. I have something unique and original to offer. I have the complete package. Someone else believing--or not believing--that I can make it is not going to change the reality of what I can do.
The profession (this crazy thing we call theatre) I have chosen is full of ups and downs. It is a complete contradiction with its necessity for confidence and its constantly critical circumstances. At times, I feel as if I am stuck on a roller-coaster of self-image. One day I can accomplish anything and the next I might as well give up.
I'm done. I'm done trying to make people see that I have potential. I am done trying to get people to believe in me. I am done trying to figure out if people approve of me. Done.
From now on my focus will be on my belief in myself. I must have my own independent, strong foundation. I will show love for myself by giving myself the time I deserve, that I am worthy of. Just because I may not be as talented as someone else right now does not mean I do not deserve to give myself the time to work on improving. I will do all that I can to take care of myself, to improve my talents, to work hard.
When I don't take care of my body or my mental health, I do not love myself. When I do not use my time wisely I am disrespecting myself and the time God has given me. The thoughts and energies I send out into the world will come back to me. If I tell myself that I am limited, then that will be the truth. I am only as great as my smallest doubts. I will not limit myself by sending out negative energy and giving myself negative reinforcement. I will believe in myself and the talents I possess.
This is my resolution to be the best me I can be. To live life. To be confident. To grow.
Posted by Ana at 10:57 PM