Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity"

Anxious. My mind was hazy and my body restless. Do you ever get that feeling like your insides are just itching to escape, like you're claustrophobic in your own restrictive skin? That's how I've been feeling recently. Like there is something I am forgetting to do. Like I'm missing something, and the lack of that something is leaving me unfulfilled and ill at ease. Well, recently I realized the reason behind that lack of fulfillment--among others which will be discussed at a later time--was a lack of creation.

Creative people need to create. If we don't, the wasted energy stays bottled inside of us and tumbles into a ball of depression and unease in the pit of our stomachs. Creative people need to write, to sing, to play, to dream, to compose, to draw, to create. At least, that's what I need.

So I went for a walk to try and shake this restlessness and clear my head.  Funny thing: the minute a space is cleared, something surely will fill that space.  Luckily, this time the thoughts that filled the space weren't anxious or depressed.  New, unsolicited ideas flowed into my head without hindrance or hassle.  Ideas for creative endeavors--the likes of which I will not name at this time, for things given announcement and title have a tendency of dying before being born--filled the space in my mind.

Upon arriving home I quickly captured the thoughts with my pen before they could disappear into the recesses of my mind.  I've been writing for the past hour.


Hello inspiration, you've been missed :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ponderings, Pessimism, and other P words (Ya. It's what you're thinking.)

Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to have been born a man.

I know. I know. You're laughing. 

But seriously.

I don't think like most girls do. Sometimes I hear the way they look at life and wonder if there is something wrong with me because those thoughts have never crossed my mind.

I don't believe in true love. Not really. I put that one on the same list as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Its just some big fallacy used to make us behave until its too late and we're stuck. Then we realize the fat man is our Dad and the tooth fairy is Mom's coin purse.

Or in the case of true love: we realize that marriage comes down to a pile of regrets, bickering, and separate beds.

So I don't believe in true love. I guess that doesn't make make me a man. Probably more of a pessimist.

Or maybe, a realist.